I took a quiz
and my thought..
runs thru the old time
we.. u and me
being together
missing each other
life was sweeter
filled with laughter
it was sweet
full of memory
how i wish i could forget it
how i wish i could forget you

i became a poet
to ease the pain
transforming into words
letting the world know
everyone does but you
I tried to love someone else
during this time
I tried and tired..
getting mad with myself and you
for i can’t fall in love with another person
as i’m still in love with you
it’s pretty painful
if i have to say so

Now, i have a so-called boyfriend
hopefully, i really love him this time
hopefully, i can forget you under his warmth
hopefully, i live like nothing has happened in the past
Yet, i still want you
cos i know you loved me and i loved you
for both of us,
it was our very first love
bloom during our teenage time
Even though I noe… we both know that
we can’t make this out again
I’m still longin’ for you
Findin’ your love
searchin’ your touch
everytime in my dreams

I should be thinking about my boyfriend
instead I’m thinking about you
I should be spending time with him
yet I’m daydreaming about you
I should be happily talking with him
but I’m happily thinking of the past, u and me
I know how stupid this sounds
yet I can’t help it
How many times have I tried to forget you already
How many times have I told myself that you are not the one for me
How many times have I realized that the relationship was gone already
Thousands and thousands of time
with my heart broken
I sit here, write poems and think, think and think
Like i’d surrender my life
if we could be together again

how stupid i am, how stupid you are
how stupid love is
i’m filled with anger now
for my hunger for love is gone
I hate myself for loving you
I hate you for everything
I hate “love” for my heart has been broken
over and over again
over you, over him, and over him
how could this be happened?
I turned my pains into poems
which i’ve never read in my life before
Didn’t even realise that i am a so-called poet now
how funny it was
how funny that we called it love
how funny that we fancied each other

However,
because of you, i started to like love poems
I started to like love songs
I started to like love movies
I started to like being loved
I started to like daydreaming
I started to like thinking about our future
I started to like talking with you about love
because of the breaking-up,
I started to know about boys
I started to know how boys can change their mind so fast
I started to know the “missing” and “breaking” parts
After seeing you with another girl,
I started talking with guys
I started liking being with someone
I started acting like nothing has happened
I started pretending like I am not who i am
I started laughing like it’s no big deal

Overall, I changed, changed and changed
I am not who i am anymore
when we first met
when we broke up
when we dun talk to each other
when we start talking each other
when we totally stop talking
when he came
when he went
when i am left
This is how it all happens

hard to believe
yet these all are true
hard to understand
cos even me, myself don’t!
hate hearing those things
hate hearing these things
hate seeing things
hate laughing out loud
hate pretending like i’m so happy
hate acting like i’m so happy for wat happen
hate being told like I AM WRONG
for which i’ve eagerly been doing

Last but not least,
hate everyone around me
for the time being..
At the same time,
hate myself for loving them so much
that I’ll be smiling with them
no matter how grievously i want to cry deep down inside ~

h3mlock
16th feb 2009

In: English Poem Posted By: h3mlock Date: Feb 16, 2009  All Time